Friday, February 24, 2012

Tests and Trust

The last time I wrote was last year. That was way too long, no? I’m not going to give any excuses though. The thing is I didn’t write to please the crowd. So I am going to write whenever I had the chance and when I feel like it, okay? Cheers :D

In the last few months when I was in hiatus, so many things happened. Some of them were good, but some of them were unbearable. I’ve been going through some hard times, and that was one of the reason why I didn’t write here. The blog is public and I chose not to spread the private story of my life to the world. So as a substitute, I’ve been really close with my diary these days. I can just spill everything without having to ponder about what to write and what not to write. But that doesn’t mean I am going to shut my blog down. The blog keeps my 3 years memories and will still be counting.

Anyway, this year has been hard for me. God tested me in so many ways I couldn’t even recall when was the last time I had a good time. During those times, there were my brother’s wedding, a vacation with my family, and so many things went around. I might looked happy outside, ok, I do feel happy here and then, but at the same time, deep inside, there were always a lump in my throat, sadness in my heart.

During those hard times, I realize that one of the way to be at ease is by turning to Him. I am not a good person and I admit that sometimes I slightly forget about Him. But the hard times I’m facing made me realize that no matter what happen, good or bad, there’s only Him that will always be by my side. I keep reminding myself that Allah will always be available, and His guidance will help me to endure hardship, and make sufferings bearable.

I am still having a hard time now so I keep praying to Him to show me the best way. I talked to so many people, my family and my friends, seeking for their advice and opinions. But deep inside, I know that things happen only when god allows it so at the end of the day, I will turn to Him, ask for His guidance.

I do realize that my pain is nothing compared to other people. Well, at least I’m not facing hunger or death. I am in good health and I have my family and my friends. So I will try as much as possible to be positive. I am still young, and if god wills it, I still have a long road ahead. I do realize that there will be ups and down, thick and thin along the way, so I hope I will be one strong girl to face it. InsyaAllah.